Every dogsbody has its day

On arts job phone calls and close calls

(This piece originally appeared on my Substack, Artless. Subscribe to that here.)

Receptionists at the agency Stranger would answer the phone, “Hello stranger.” Not with the singsong intonation of announcing a company name, highest pitch on the third syllable: Hello, Stranger. (C C G E.) Instead the pitch descended C B A then up to D, inflection and emphasis on the last syllable — the way you’d greet a friend you’d not seen for a while: Ello stranger! Since I’d never spoken to this woman before I flubbed my reply, thinking I’d called a friend by mistake and not the design agency who’d just emailed me about a job.

The receptionist explained at a practiced clip how they’d all been ordered to answer the phone that way. Their boss thought the familiar/flirty greeting could be their little front-desk gimmick, that it’d make phoning their agency memorable. They weren’t wrong. Apparently it confused couriers no end. The receptionist’s tone became breathy again but only so she could apologise on the sly. This organised confusion should’ve been my first warning.

With it laboriously cleared up, I told her about the email I’d gotten about them seeing my CV on some database and offering me ‘a unique position’. Only once she’d put me through to her colleague handling…