The seven kinds of people you get at an arts/culture Q&A

But will it be a question or statement?

(This piece originally appeared on my Substack, Artless. Subscribe to that here.)

Years ago I asked a friend whether he’d like to go see Noam Chomsky give a talk on… the usual stuff Chomsky talks about. My friend’s balloon-popping response was, “Why, is he meant to be better live?” Chomsky is now 94 by way of transforming into anarchist Father Christmas so I reckon I missed my last chance. But what did I miss exactly?

Why do we go see authors and artists do talks, panels, Q&As? Is it for access to the (heavy quotation marks) celebrities? Since the ascension of the Blue Ticks into their gated online communities, few remain you can accost on Twitter; attending a panel you at least get to see them popped from 2 to 3-D. Which isn’t unsalutary, yet neither is it as grounding as you’d think. There’s still something uncanny about a celebrity seen in the flushed flesh, and even after that’s worn off they keep at a point of remove, on the stage, ahead of the seats. Unless, that is, during the Q&A your pick-me!-pick-me! hand wins out. Then is it for the chance to ask a Q, get some As, to converse, discuss? But if you gathered the wittiest, most articulate and thoughtful panel to sit there fiddling with their papers and bluish plastic cups…